Growing up, I didn't have a good parental role model. I acknowledge that my parents did their best to provide for me. However, I wasn't happy as a child. Considering my own lack of positive memories from my upbringing, I naturally doubted my ability to make a child happy, let alone raise one.
In fact, I never felt the desire to have children, despite many people telling me I would be a great mom. Perhaps they saw me as nurturing and a good listener.
Reflecting on the day my son was born, it has been 1 year and 9 months since then. I can honestly say that I thoroughly enjoy this journey. Even though I had to give up my one-year backpacking trip, lazy weekends, and a lot of me-time, I wouldn't trade this motherhood experience for anything in the world.
So, here's my list of what it's like being a mom.
I admit that I let go of myself when my son was born. I used to enjoy dressing up and cared about my weight and appearance. But with my demanding little one and a 9-6 job that never takes a back seat, I adopted Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg's approach to work attire: blue jeans and a black tee. While having a minimal wardrobe saves me time in getting ready for work, it also led to a decline in my interest in maintaining my weight and appearance. Consequently, I sometimes feel inferior when surrounded by so many beautiful people in Thailand, the land of smiles.
I have always been an emotional person who sheds buckets of tears while watching soap operas. However, becoming a mother has intensified these emotions. When I see the suffering of children being shared on social media or witness young children begging on the streets or cleaning windshields in Bangkok, it brings me to tears. Somehow, these incidents trigger thoughts of my son, and I hope that he never has to experience such hardships.
My father instilled in me the importance of time management, and I have always been punctual. Rain or shine, regardless of traffic or time of day, I make it a point to arrive early for appointments. To me, those who are consistently late lack respect for themselves and others. With the arrival of my son, time management has become even more crucial. He follows a daily routine, from waking up for breakfast to playing before bedtime. Adhering to this routine helps me become more productive at work. I arrive at the office on time and leave on time, ensuring that all my work is completed during office hours since I don't want to bring work home.
I have always believed in doing the right thing. It's my number one principle in life. Having my son has only reinforced that belief. I want to do the right thing not just because I should, but because I want to be a good role model for my son.
As I write this, I want to remember the moments that make motherhood so wonderful. The way my son looks and smiles at me every morning when he wakes up, how he holds my hand with his tiny fingers, wanting me to be by his side wherever he goes, his bear hug greetings when he returns from a walk or when I come home from work. And not to forget our special game where he starts running as soon as I sing, "Banana... in pajamas... is... coming after Han!" He knows I will catch him and tickle him like crazy!
I will forever treasure these moments.
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